So it has been just over a year since my heart attack and open heart. I don’t need to rehash everything that has happened over the past year as it is already here on my blog page.
So, how am I after a year?
I still have a lot of arrhythmia issues but nothing that is registering as “bad” on my implant. If you have had a face to face conversation with me, there is a chance you have seen what it is like for me when an “episode” kicks in. Shortness of breath, loss of thought, inarticulate, and visibly flustered.
Those of you that also know me well enough have witnessed the decline in my ability to keep my mouth under control. You have likely received an apology from me on one occasion or another for my lack of filter.
What you don’t see…
I have a lot of these episodes that I refer to as “dizzy spells”. They are not, in fact, “dizzy spells”. It is the only way I can articulate in some recognizable fashion what is more like the feeling of having a good drug or alcohol “buzz” just for 1 to 3 seconds. It’s enough to make you feel disoriented, confused, tingly, and a little dizzy. Then it’s gone, just like that.
These “Dizzy Spells”, coupled with the “Episodes” make for a very frustrating (and sometimes scary) life. I know I was told to go home and not worry about the arrhythmia killing me anymore but I would be lying if I said I was still not scared to death sometimes.
Am I getting systematically dumber? Is it because I work from home and have almost no human interaction during the day? Is it because of the “dizzy Spells” or do they have a factor in this? I honestly feel like I am about a year away from becoming a vegetable.
Don’t get me wrong, I am absolutely grateful to be alive! I have a ton to be thankful for. But sometimes, I feel like a scared little boy cowering in fear every time my head goes fuzzy and my heart beats out of sync.